Music

Music has saved me more than once, it has pulled me out of my rut and made me feel alive again.

The best gift is finding a new artist that moves you, that lifts your spirits or that makes you want to just dance, no matter where you are. I love finding the perfect album, the kind you turn on and listen straight through, without skipping a song. I have an album like that right now and it's helping me out of my funk.

If you like awesome music too then you should really get Owl City's album, Ocean Eyes. It's upbeat but not in a cheesy annoying way, just listen to it, it's great.

There's Always Something

In my 27 years of existence I've finally learned something, there's always something. You see, I'm an eternal optimist and this was a little hard for me to grasp.

There are so many things I want to do, so many places to go, so much life to experience. When I was young I always wanted to make sure I had an exciting life, I didn't want a boring life like my parents. I think that's partly why I want to move to Colorado. Living in Houston like everyone else in my family is boring, I want to experience something different. It makes me sad when I think that my parents probably thought the same thing when they were younger, that a lot of people think that they want their lives to be exciting. Unfortunately, in a lot of cases life happens and the excitement never comes because there's always something. Things happen, we have responsibilities and our dreams and aspirations get put on the back burner.

I'm terrified that something will keep us from moving because life always seems to get in the way. We keep making plans and our plans keep getting thwarted by life. Life is a bitch...but I'm going to keep trying.

My Favorite Part About Christmas

I love Christmas, it's my favorite holiday. I love lights and decorations everywhere, everything is more interesting when it's decorated. I LOVE Christmas trees, decorating the tree is the best. I love it because I love pretty, glass ornaments. Ever since I was little I've always wanted a tree full of glass ornaments, and not the balls either, I like the glass figurines.

I knew I would never be able to afford to buy a ton of them to cover my tree so instead every year I get each of us a new glass ornament. Picking out everyone's ornament has become my favorite part of Christmas. The kids love picking out their own ornament and there are so many different ones to choose from. Every year when I pick my ornament I think, this is my best one yet, and the next year I always end up topping the previous.

We haven't gotten our ornaments for this year yet but last night we decorated the tree and I love that my tree is so full of ornaments that I love, I can't even choose a favorite because there are so many. I love that our tree isn't just beautiful, each ornament has meaning and a story and that's why it's my favorite part because I'm making memories and keepsakes.

Mom says eat peanut butter fudge.

I'm taking time off from my melacholy blogging to post a recipe for my favorite holiday treat, Peanut Butter Fudge! Tara over at If Mom Says Ok is doing a recipe exchange for everyone's favorite holiday cookies and I had to give my recipe because it's so easy and delicious.

Peanut Butter Fudge

2 1/4 c sugar
2/3 c evaporated milk
1/2 c crunchy peanut butter
2 tbsp butter
1 tsp vanilla

Combine sugar and evaporated milk and bring to softball stage (boil for 3-4 minutes).
Remove from heat. Allow to cool for a few minutes and then add peanut butter, butter and then vanilla. Pour into a buttered 8x8 pan, let cool and then cut.

There you go, it's that easy. The hardest part is not eating the whole pan.

The Way We Were

Sometimes I like to look back, sometimes I NEED to look back, it's the only way to see how far I've come.

Sometimes I look back because I miss parts of me, I miss the carefree parts; back when I had no responsibilities, I had no idea what stress really was. My hard days were days that I had a big test or when someone broke up with me. I thought it was the end of the world but I had no idea. Sometimes I wish life could be that simple again.

I just keep thinking if life just gets harder I'm not sure I want to know what's in store for me. I think the only consolation is that although the hurt gets worse, the joy gets better.

Hard Times

Lately, my luck has been less than stellar, much, much less. At times like these I can't help but reflect on what I've done in my life to deserve it. One of the great things that comes with being raised Catholic is even when you renounce your faith, the guilt continues. Catholics very much believe in "an eye for an eye" and "what goes around, comes around." So of course, as a Catholic, when anything bad happens you feel you "deserved" it.

I try to lead a good life, I try to treat people the way I would like to be treated. Lately, I've even tried putting myself in other's shoes before I judge them or their actions. I'm trying to be more forgiving and thoughtful. I try to give more of myself, my time as well as what I have to offer. I'm trying really hard to be a better person.

When things happen like what has happened over the last 2 weeks in my house, I can't help but think, 'I'm not doing good enough.' I feel like I'm being punished for bad things I've done, I know that sounds ridiculous, if someone told me that I would tell them they are crazy, bad stuff happens sometimes, that's life. But I can't seem to shake the guilt, like I need to make amends and this is my penance.

I hope that renewing my vow to be a better person is enough to change my luck because all this bad crap is getting kind of old.

Three

Yesterday wasn't our best Thanksgiving ever, I spent a lot of the day still worrying about Susie, how she was doing? If she was in pain? Would she make a full recovery? These things were all heavy on my mind.

Having Susie to worry about has really made my recovery pretty easy, I'm too preoccupied with other things to worry about myself. I did a light run the other day and had no pain at all, I guess I'm fine now. I still cramp occasionally but it's minimal so it doesn't really bother me.

With things starting to look up my daughter decided to fall at the playground yesterday and put her teeth through her bottom lip. So, we spent a few hours at the ER, luckily they opted to use Dermabond to close it up instead of having to stitch it. Luis was freaking out about a scar but it looked a lot better after they glued it up and she should outgrow the scar with no problems.

I'd really like to catch a break but I have feeling things are just going to keep on coming.